All That You Are
by KayMarieXW
Summary: AU. When Carlisle meets Bella, they are mutually suspicious of each other. At first, it doesn't even occur to him that she could be the one to put an end to over three centuries of loneliness. Luckily for him, fate intervenes.


**AN: This is completely different to anything I have ever written before. Rated M for my first attempt at anything remotely lemony…which makes me very nervous about posting. I really hope it's not terrible.**

**Just a few things you need to know about this AU and how it differs from canon.**

**Carlisle never changed anyone into a vampire. He treated Edward for Spanish Flu and met Esme, as detailed in canon, but never changed either of them. **

**Bella moved to Forks in 2005, but Carlisle was not there then. She finished High School while living with Charlie and then went off to College as she had originally planned.**

**This story is set in the present….2011/2012. So Bella is 24. **

**And of course, everything recognizable belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I just find her characters irresistible. **

**Thank you to TheaJ1 and OrAreWeDancers for beta'ing this for me and for their reassurance and their general wonderfulness.**

**This story was written for the lovely IamTheAlleyCat, as part of the Secret Santa Fic Swap. I really hope I did it justice for her. **

**All That You Are**

Chief Swan burst through the doors, clutching a wailing little girl in his arms. His panicked eyes swept the ER before zeroing in on me.

"Dr. Cullen," he called, rushing forward. I had only met him a couple of times since taking this job at Forks hospital a few months ago, but he had always seemed quiet, confident and in control. His current demeanor was in complete contrast to that.

I strode forward to meet him, calmly guiding him to a cubicle.

Words tumbled from his mouth. "This is my granddaughter. She slipped and fell on the ice, bumped her head and now she's clutching her arm and won't stop crying no matter what I say or do." While he was speaking, I appraised the little girl. Her face was bright red and tear-streaked and her expression outraged. She looked to be between two and three years old. In my experience, the louder a child cried, the less severely they were hurt, and considering the volume of this little one's screams, I wasn't overly concerned; it was the quiet ones you needed to worry about. However, examining her closely would be a problem while she was so agitated. I dropped into kneeling so I was eye level with her.

"Hello," I said, using my least threatening, most inquisitive voice which sometimes helped to get children to cooperate. She quieted, but only for a moment before indignantly calling out, "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" I winced as her screaming began again at an increased volume, but thankfully it became more muffled when she buried her head in Chief Swan's shirt. I looked up at him.

"Is her mother or father coming?" I asked, knowing how difficult it would be to proceed without one of them.

"I told Bella to meet us here," he began, and then his expression hardened as if he had only just registered my words. He muttered under his breath, "But I doubt her pretentious father would even care, seeing as he's never set eyes on her." This final sentence was not intended to be heard, by me or his granddaughter. Chief Swan had no concept of why I would hear it so easily, so I tactfully pretended that I hadn't.

As if on cue, a young woman swept into my line of sight and determinedly made her way straight for us. She gently lifted the little girl out of Chief Swan's arms and he gratefully relinquished her. "It's okay, sweetie, Mommy's here," the woman cooed soothingly. This was obviously Bella. Her calm attitude had an almost instant effect and the little girl melted into her, still sniffling, but at least the screaming had stopped.

"What happened, Dad?" Bella asked calmly, over the little girl's shoulder.

"She slipped and fell and then she wouldn't stop crying!" Chief Swan worried, "I don't think I've ever heard her cry like that before. I was too slow to catch her!" His undercurrent of guilt was obvious.

"Don't worry, Dad. I'm sure she's fine. She falls all the time, but tends to bounce. Unfortunately, she's inherited my lack of grace." Bella was trying, but failing, to reassure him. She continued anyway, and I thought it was touching how much she seemed to care about her father's feelings. Many other mothers would've been quick to react strongly and place blame. "Honestly, Dad, she's fine now. She just needed a cuddle from her Mommy, that's all."

"Well, now we're here, Dr. Cullen can check," Chief Swan stated firmly, much more his usual self now that Bella was here.

Bella turned to me for the first time. The tolerant smile she had for her father froze on her face and her eyes widened. Her heart started racing and she gasped. It was only an instant before she composed her features, but her heart continued to pound and her reaction had been unmistakable. It was not the usual response that my supernatural features were designed to generate in female 'prey', but the reaction of someone who knew exactly what I was. But that was surely impossible. There must be another explanation.

Oblivious to our wariness of each other, Chief Swan introduced us. "Bella, this is Dr. Cullen. Dr. Cullen, my daughter, Bella, and my granddaughter, Lizzie."

"It'll only take a few minutes to look her over and check she's fine. You can trust me." But my attempts to appease Bella seemed futile. She had no inclination at all to trust me. She tightened her arms around Lizzie and pulled her protectively into her chest.

"Bella?" Chief Swan prompted, confused by her behavior.

"She's nervous around strangers," she mumbled. "How about if I look her over here and then Dr. Cullen will be able to see that she's fine."

"Bella!" Chief Swan repeated, although this time his tone was more admonishing.

"That sounds perfectly reasonable," I said quickly. Bella shot me a look that was part relieved and apologetic, part defiant. She deftly examined Lizzie, checking her head and arm and asking questions that were both informative and comforting at the same time. It was soon obvious to us all that Lizzie only had some minor bruising, but was otherwise intact.

"I'm sorry I wasted your time, Dr. Cullen," Chief Swan apologized.

"It was no trouble at all," I reassured him. "It's normally quiet on Christmas Day."

"I guess you drew the short straw, working the holidays," Chief Swan surmised.

"Oh no," I told him, "I always volunteer; people with families should be with them. To be honest, I'd rather be at work." Chief Swan regarded me seriously. His expression was close to pity, but not quite. More like that of someone who'd been exactly in my position; alone at Christmas and filling the void with work.

"After you've finished here, you should stop by and have a drink with us," he offered. Bella looked horrified at his suggestion and I smiled ruefully.

"I couldn't impose," I told him.

"Nonsense, it'd be no imposition," he insisted. We both looked to Bella who shifted uncomfortably on her feet. I felt an urge to absolve her from the responsibility of having to refuse me.

"Please don't worry about me. I'm very comfortable with my own company." But even as I said it, I could feel the hollowness in this sentiment. As much as I tried to rationalize it, there was no denying to myself how lonely I was.

Bella captured my eyes in her probing stare. I knew they were very dark at the moment, with only a hint of amber discernible within them.

"I might be able to salvage some of dinner, so there may be some leftovers," she said hesitantly after a few moments. "I'm sure you won't mind if the pickings are slim," she continued, irony lacing her tone, "but even so, it might be wise to hunt out a snack before you come."

Her choice of words left me reeling once more. How much could she know?

"Great, well that's settled then! Come by as soon as you're finished here," Chief Swan said happily.

xxx

I stood outside the Swan house and continued my on-going debate about whether or not this was wise. Fraternizing with a human who appeared to know too much seemed like a terrible idea, but not trying to find out what she knew and how she knew it, seemed equally as foolish. So here I was, a centuries old vampire, anxious about spending Christmas night with two and a half humans. I reached up to knock and, after one more moment of hesitation, rapped on the door.

"I'll get it," I heard Bella's disembodied voice call. She flung open the door and immediately moved to block my entry, tension radiating off her. Her attention went straight to my eyes and the moment we made eye contact, she visibly relaxed. My eyes were glowing gold now, as I had followed her implicit advice and hunted, before making myself presentable enough to visit. Although Bella was obviously reassured by my change in eye color, I was more disturbed. She knew far more than any human should, that was blindingly obvious. It looked like I would need to evade Aro's touch for the entire duration of her life or he would send the Guard for her.

Finally, Bella stepped aside and ushered me into a small living room. The Christmas decorations were beautiful and clearly new, in stark contrast to the décor of the room itself, which looked a little shabby in comparison. Lizzie bounded up to me, seeming almost a different child to the one I had met in the ER. She looked up at me and asked, "Present?" in an endearingly hopeful tone. Chief Swan laughed loudly, but Bella flushed in embarrassment.

"Lizzie, don't be so rude! It's not too early to land yourself on the naughty list for next year! You already have new toys to play with." Lizzie pouted, but obediently did as she was told.

"I'm glad you decided to come, Dr. Cullen," Chief Swan welcomed me.

"Please, call me Carlisle, Chief Swan."

"Only if you call me Charlie," he countered.

The evening was very pleasant, and by far the best Christmas I'd ever experienced. It was inspiring to watch three generations of a family come together. There was very little awkwardness, despite the fact that it was clear that Bella and Lizzie's trips to Forks were infrequent. I got the impression that it was only distance that was limiting the time they spent together and I felt honored that they were opening up and sharing their Christmas with me. Bella and Charlie were very similar. Quietly selfless. After some of the things I had borne witness to over the years, it reaffirmed my faith in humanity somewhat.

It was very late when I finally took my leave. Charlie was snoring loudly in a recliner and Lizzie was fast asleep, cradled under his arm. Bella and I shared a tender smile at the sight of them, before we made our way quietly to the front door.

"Thank you," I told her, the genuineness of my sentiment intensifying my tone. "I know you had reservations about me coming tonight, but I cannot remember a more enjoyable evening."

"I'm sorry," Bella said softly. "I jumped to conclusions and I misjudged you."

"I'm not offended," I reassured her. "Your reaction was understandable."

"Maybe," Bella conceded, "but I can see now that I was wrong…and I'm glad you came." She reached past me to open the door and stumbled very slightly. I caught her hand to steady her and tugged her gently upright. We both gasped simultaneously and identically. A tingling sensation was creeping through my hand and up my arm, directly to my heart. It was warm and pleasant and unlike anything I had every felt before. It was originating from Bella's touch. Surprised and mesmerized, I looked to Bella. She was staring at our clasped hands in confused awe. Slowly, she turned her face upwards to meet my eyes. I felt almost, and impossibly, dizzy. Her heart raced, a blush blossomed across her face causing her scent to permeate the air. I found the combined assault on all my senses literally breath-taking.

I lightly touched her flushed cheek with the back of my free hand and felt the same addictive tingling.

"Please can I see you tomorrow?" I whispered, not wanting my voice to break the spell. It came out as a plea more than a request. When Bella nodded almost imperceptibly, I was unable to stop myself pressing a light kiss to her other cheek before wrenching myself away from her and out into the night.

I did not get very far. There was a tugging in my chest that intensified the further I got away. I ended up lurking in the woods near their house. I stood, silent and still, unable to tear myself away. I watched as Bella carried a soundly sleeping Lizzie upstairs and then went back down to wake her father and harass him up the stairs too. She spent several minutes straightening up downstairs before joining Lizzie in the room they were apparently sharing. For long after she had fallen asleep, I listened to the rhythmic beating of their hearts.

It wasn't until the sun was beginning to rise that I eventually forced myself to leave. I had to prepare for my next shift at the hospital. I arrived back at my modest house, which seemed even duller and emptier than usual. I had chosen it for its seclusion and because I did need a suitable address, but didn't need a lot of space. I looked it over with a newly critical eye and found it very lacking. At my full speed I blew around my home, rearranging and simultaneously cleaning, although it had been spotless before. I was aiming for welcoming and child-friendly. When I finished I actually laughed out loud at my own hope and presumption that one day soon I would be able to invite Bella and Lizzie here.

My shift was ridiculously slow and monotonous, despite the universal influx of patients who had been battling illness in order to stay at home over Christmas and finally succumbed to the inevitable the day after. One part of my mind was permanently fixated on Bella. Fortunately for my patients, my venom-enhanced cerebral function meant that this didn't detract from my diagnostic capabilities.

After what seemed like an eternity, I was finally headed back towards Bella. Movement at an upstairs window caught my eye. Bella was standing at the window of the room she and Lizzie shared, gazing towards the road. When she saw me, she signaled for me to wait and disappeared back into the room.

I listened as she told Charlie she was going out for some fresh air and that she didn't think Lizzie would wake, she was so exhausted after yesterday. He argued for a moment that she shouldn't go out alone at night and she laughed and said, "Dad, this is Forks," but he had the final word with, "stay out of the woods and take your cell." And then she was in front of me and I felt better than I had all day.

xxx

"Good evening, Charlie," I greeted Bella's father, as he opened his door to me.

"This is the third consecutive night I've found you on my doorstep, Carlisle," he told me wryly. He was standing with his arms crossed and his back straight. I nodded in conformation, wary of his tone and his stance. "So, I think I'm going to rescind your right to call me Charlie. If you are dating my daughter, you can call me Chief Swan or Sir." He raised his eyebrows questioningly. I answered him the only way I could.

"Yes, Sir."

xxx

We were standing over Lizzie watching her sleep. Bella was nestled in my arms, leaning back against me and I was thoroughly content.

She jumped a little when she felt, and I heard, her cell phone vibrate. She fished it out of her pocket and checked the ID, grimacing at the name she saw there.

"_Sorry_", she mouthed to me, backing out of the room but holding her palm up to me to indicate she didn't want me to follow. I was torn between wanting to stay as close to her as possible and being awed and humbled that she trusted me alone with Lizzie.

I was startled when moments later I heard the unmistakable click of the front door. I went over to the window and saw Bella jogging towards the tree line. I felt a thrill of anxiety for her unpredictable exit. When she stopped, I realized her intention. She was just far enough away that I would be unable to hear her conversation. This made me worry on so many levels. I was a little hurt that she felt the need to hide things about herself from me. But more importantly it reminded me again that she knew far too much about my nature. Who could she be speaking to? The curiosity was actually burning and I had to battle to not try and overhear her words.

Bella was becoming more and more agitated with the conversation. She was pacing and gesticulating sharply. And when the combination of her drifting slightly towards the house and the increase in the volume and intensity of her voice meant that I was able to catch her side of the dialogue, to my shame, I was unable stop myself from listening.

"This is none of your business….

"But it's my choice….

"Of course I'm aware of the danger, but I think it's worth the risk…

"He would never hurt me or Lizzie…

"You don't know everything, Alice!

"It's too late now anyway….

"I can't help how I feel.

"DO NOT come here, Alice!" Bella actually stamped her foot in frustration. Her face was red and her breathing fast as she jabbed her phone to end the call. She took a deep breath, wiping a tear away with the back of her hand. I couldn't stand to see her cry and, as quietly as I could, I left the room and made my way to her. I opened the front door at the same time that she reached for the handle on the other side. Her eyes widened in surprise then narrowed.

"You heard!" she accused, but with more dejection than rancor.

"Only when you started shouting," I both defended and reassured, putting my arms around her and guiding her into the house and towards the sofa. "I hate to see you cry," I told her as a wiped another tear from her cheek, much more gently than she had done herself.

"Don't worry, I'm mad, not sad," she told me. "Unfortunately, I can't help crying when I'm angry."

"Who's Alice?" I asked gently.

"My best friend, supposedly," Bella grimaced, but then smiled bleakly, "Actually she's more than that…she saved my life, when I was pregnant with Lizzie, so she saved hers too. I was upset after having told David, Lizzie's father, that I was pregnant. He said some awful things and I had to get away from him. But, I wasn't looking where I was going and tripped in front of a truck. Only I could be that clumsy! Alice grabbed me out of the way. Me and Lizzie are only here because of her. Even if the truck hadn't killed me outright, the loss of blood would have. We've been close ever since then, but she's very opinionated, especially when it comes to my choices."

"And she doesn't like me?" I was confused by this. What had Bella told her about me or our relationship? It seemed strange that this Alice would call out of the blue and grill her about it. Hadn't they talked about any concerns when Bella had originally told her? Bella hadn't told her today, I was sure of that. Charlie was at work and I had a night shift, so had been with Bella and Lizzie all day. Bella seemed to pick up on my confusion.

"I didn't have to tell her anything," she told me cautiously. "Alice sees things sometimes."

"She sees things?" I asked, more confused.

"She's a sort of psychic," she explained.

"Psychic?" I echoed, skeptically.

"Dr. Cullen," Bella laughed, abruptly amused. "Are you telling me that _you_ are suspicious of the supernatural?"

"I've never heard of anything like that being true," I reasoned.

"That doesn't mean it's not possible," she insisted.

"I suppose not," I conceded and Bella smiled weakly at me.

"It's definitely true," Bella told me unequivocally. She clearly believed it and she was right in implying that it would be both ironic and hypocritical of me to not even accept the possibility that there might be something to it.

Bella was suddenly sad and pensive again. She dropped her head, "Alice isn't right, is she?" she whispered almost inaudibly. I caught her chin and drew her face back up so I could look in her eyes. She responded immediately to the question in mine. "Do you feel this connection too? Or am I imagining more than there is, because of your…" she waved a moving spiral with her hand, unable to continue.

"I have never felt anything like this before," I needed, more than anything, for her to trust in me. "I can't explain it to you fully, and it doesn't actually cover how I feel, but I know that I'm falling in love with you and I will do everything in my power not to hurt you and to keep you safe."

I kissed her, gently at first, but her reaction was instant. She deepened the kiss and pulled herself towards me. Her breasts pressed up against my chest and I felt desire pulse through me. I stroked my hand through her hair, ghosting it down her side and around her back, pulling her closer still. Before I knew it, she was in my lap and I was overcome by her. I couldn't get enough and in one swift movement, I had her lying on her back on the sofa, covering her body with my own. I pressed myself against her, relishing the friction. I was so lost in the moment that the only thing that could've stopped me was Bella.

"Wait, Carlisle," she said. I felt a stab of rejection, but was unable to do anything but follow her wishes. "I'm sorry…"

"Don't apologize," I told her, slowly pulling back. "I pushed too hard. It was very ungentlemanly of me."

"Things are moving a little quickly, considering I haven't even kissed anyone else since I told Lizzie's dad I was pregnant." I supposed that three years could be considered a long time, but it paled in comparison to my three centuries. I had had a few offers from other vampires over the years, but had been repulsed by the implications of their scarlet eyes, or their promiscuous attitudes towards men. I didn't voice any of this though, instead letting her continue. "But actually that's not it." She paused, took a breath and then asked, "Are you sure it's safe?"

And I had never been so ashamed of myself. Why on earth hadn't I considered that question before?

I was saved from answering by Charlie's key in the front door.

xxx

I was running towards Seattle. It was freezing cold, pitch black and I needed to think with a clear head. I knew that I wouldn't ever be too rough with Bella. I was very used to interacting with and touching humans. I knew exactly how much pressure I could safely exert. Handling with care was second nature to me.

But what about my venom? All my bodily fluids had been replaced with it during my change. What would that do to Bella? After a long time lost in thought, I decided that I needed some sort of tried and tested barrier. So that's how I ended up in an all-night drugstore.

There were literally hundreds of them. I stood and stared at the variety of colors and words. I chose a range and hurried to the counter, feeling like a teenager for the first time I could ever remember. It was fortunate that I couldn't blush.

The tests I did with them were scientific and rigorous. They involved venom and friction and the outcome was that even the thinnest was impervious and would be adequate protection. But I will never be able to bring myself to think about my 'experiments' again.

All I needed to know was that the answer to Bella's question was yes. It was safe.

xxx

I saw in the New Year with Bella and Lizzie. Charlie had to work, but was planning to make up his time with Lizzie by taking her out for the afternoon and evening on New Year's Day. He had also agreed to babysit that night, so that Bella could have dinner with me.

When Bella arrived at my house, I couldn't stay away from her any longer. I moved torturously slowly, making sure she had the chance to stop me, but she seemed just as relieved as I was, and was receptive to my every touch.

The feel of her mouth on mine seemed sweeter every single time. I could feel her heart pound in excitement and I had never wanted anything as badly as I wanted her. I lifted her easily and she wrapped her legs round my hips and her arms around my neck.

"I want you, Bella, and I promise to keep you safe," I vowed.

Her eyes lit and she kissed me hard, tightening her grip around my hips and neck. She trailed kisses along my jaw and then up to my ear. "I trust you, Carlisle," she murmured, her lips brushing gently against me.

She was almost weightless in my arms as I carried her up the stairs and into my bedroom. It was a room in the house I had never used before, but was about to become my favorite place in the entire world.

I sat her gently on the bed, to free my hands. I could barely contain myself, I wanted to memorize her every curve. I knelt in front of her and slowly unbuttoned her shirt and the sight of the soft blue material covering her breasts made me almost painfully hard. I let my touch linger slowly as I carefully brushed the material aside and then captured her nipple between my lips. I was rewarded by her gasp of pleasure as she threw back her head and gripped my hair. I pulled the rest of the fabric off the upper half of her body urgently, kissing her skin as I exposed it. I rocked back onto my knees and took in the glorious sight of her.

"So beautiful," I breathed and she blushed, giving her skin a stunning pink glow all over.

Bella seemed slightly uncomfortable with my scrutiny. She started tugging at my clothes, trying to undress me. As she pulled up my shirt, the feel of the small, warm hands on my stomach was addictive. I impatiently ripped off my top, needing more contact.

I kissed her again and this time the heat of her skin on mine was burning and all-consuming. Then I felt Bella's fingers at the button of my pants as she undid them. She slid her hand in and stroked me from base to tip. I lost all rational thought for a moment and in that instant I had fully undressed us both. I paused, concerned that I had lost control, even for a second. I searched Bella's eyes for any sign that I had frightened her by my dominance or speed, but all I saw there was desire that matched mine.

I pledged to make this more about her and kissed her again, more gently as I lowered her onto the bed. I let my hands explore her body, slowly edging lower and lower. I ran my tongue over neck and the taste was exquisite. I eased two fingers inside of her and her response was immediate. She was so ready for me and writhed under my touch, so I increased my movement inside her and was rewarded when she moaned in pleasure.

"I need more…all of you…now…please," she panted and her pleading was more that I could endure. Again I lost control, at full speed donning a condom and positioning myself, ready to thrust into her. I managed to stop at the very last moment, freezing in terror. I was wrong to think I couldn't physically hurt her. This was so different to anything I had experienced before.

I had Bella's full attention now.

"Carlisle?" she asked gently.

"I don't want to hurt you," I whispered my explanation for my hesitation.

Bella's eyes widened in understanding and she put both hands firmly onto my chest. I allowed her to push me onto my back. She straddled me, sitting upright and hovering over me. It was the single most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

"Don't move," she instructed and I gripped onto the frame of the bed, trying to anchor myself still. She lowered herself down onto me and I tightened my grip, finding it nearly impossible to stay still as her moist heat enveloped me.

There was a loud crack as the bed frame yielded and crumbled in my fingers, the whole bed dropped, thrusting me deep inside Bella.

"Oh my God," she whimpered and I worried I had hurt her, which was the only thing stopping me repeating the action. I forgot my worry instantly as she began moving on top of me, setting the pace and changing the angle of her movements to pull me deeper and deeper inside of her.

The tiny part of my brain that wasn't completely lost to this goddess of temptation, was memorizing every the depth and speed of every movement and correlating them with the amount of pleasure ringing in her moans and cries.

I could feel the need building inside me; the need to claim her as mine. It wouldn't be long before I succumbed to it. When I was unable to cage it any longer, I threw her off me and onto her back, capturing both her hands in one of mine and pinning them above her head, knowing that any touch from her would be my undoing. Nudging her legs open wide, I slid inside her, just a little faster and a little deeper than the pace she had set. She rolled her hips up towards me, accepting my claim of her.

She screamed my name as I felt her climax shudder through her, and I let myself go too. It was truly, indescribably perfect. I felt complete for the first time in my existence. I wasn't ready for this feeling to end.

Hours later, Bella was finally sleeping peacefully in my arms. I found the rise and fall of her chest hypnotic and I wondered if I would ever get my fill of her. I could spend eternity driving her to make the sounds of ecstasy that I was already addicted to.

As she murmured my name in her sleep, all the fears that I had been suppressing melted away. It didn't matter that I was a vampire or that she lived so far away. I knew, unquestionably, that I would go with her wherever she went, support any decision she made and strive to make her happy in whatever way I could.

I belonged to Bella Swan.

xXx

**Thank you so much for reading. If you have time to let me know what you think, I'd be very grateful. Every review makes me happier than you could know.**

**To stay within the SS Fic Swap word limit, I had to cut out a few chunks of plot, most notably Alice's arrival in Forks. I will almost definitely rework these and add them at some point soon. **

**Happy New Year everyone!**


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